Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Turnaround

I am strong.
I am confident.
I am capable.
I am happy.
I am cheerful through adversity.
I can handle anything.
I am a winner.
My problems are small. My God is big.
I am handsome.
I am talented.
Good things are in store for me.
I am meeting good people.
Opportunities are coming.
My nerves are strong.
Anxiety can't touch me.
I am fearless.
Thanks be to God.

These are all things I now say to myself, sometimes hundreds of times a day. It's an effort to destroy the negativity that bogged me down for so long. And it's gradually working. Already I can see a difference. A more positive outlook is forming. Most of these are the opposite of what had become my pattern of self-talk. I told myself that I wasn't strong, that I couldn't handle things, that I was ugly, that I was afraid for so long that I believed it all.

Now I take the opposite approach. When I'm feeling good (more often than not now), I recite these affirmations over and over again, building up my confidence. When I'm feeling bad, when I feel weak or sad, I also say them and the effect is to gradually turn the negativity around. If something brings me down, I fight it with all my might. But I believe that "my" power is not my own. It's supernatural. It's God, directing my steps.

Weirdly, my inspiration has been a handful of obscure internet gurus and a famous TV preacher. I don't care if anyone mocks me or scoffs at it. A miracle is taking place in my life, and God can choose any voice among the billions to speak to whoever wants to listen. I don't believe that I was meant to be wasted living a life of mediocrity, not using my talents for writing and music and art. I don't yet know what my full purpose is, but I'll find out soon enough. My life is turning around.